


A Letter To A Younger Me

by head_full_of_fish



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Letter, M/M, Sad and Short, Spoilers, This will spoil the end of banana fish, banana fish makes me emo so this is just me living up to that i guess, come be emo with me if you want, ill cry with you in the comments, im not sure why i wanted to hurt myself by writing this, letter to a younger self, you’ve been warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:21:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29818653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/head_full_of_fish/pseuds/head_full_of_fish
Summary: Ash’s letter to his younger self.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	A Letter To A Younger Me

**Author's Note:**

> I watched this show almost a year ago now and I’m still not okay... be not okay with me :)

Hello Aslan,

I wish this would have found you well, but I was you, so I know these words are going to come too late.

I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you then, though there’s no way I could have been, because without everything you are going to go through on your own, I would never have been at all.

I’m sorry to say this to you, but a lot is going to happen. So much hurt is going to directed at you and no words that I could say, even if they could reach you, would prepare you for what you’ll have to face.

In all honesty, too much is going to happen to you, just as too much happened to me. But you’re going to meet some people that make it bearable. Without them, you would have given up long before you became me.

Let me tell you about one of them. His name is Shorter. You’re going to meet him in the last place you ever thought you were going to meet a friend. He’ll be the one in the stupid graphic t-shirt with the shaved head. You won’t want to be his friend at first, I know, but trust me, he’s worth it.

He’ll be there for you in those long years where you won’t think you deserve a friend. He’ll get you into a lot of shit but he’ll get you out of just as much.

Just love him as much as you can. I wish I had loved him more loudly when I was able. He really deserved it all, you know?

There’s another person I’d like to share with you. His name is Max. Another place where you’re certain you aren’t going to meet a friend, let alone another dad. By the end of all this he’ll call you his son and it will feel more true than when your own blood said the same words.

Can I tell you about one more? Can I tell you about the part of my soul that I found in another? _My soul is always with you_ were the words he left for me. Does that mean I killed him, too? 

Take care of this one, he’s everything to me. He’ll be everything to you, too one day. Don’t even bother trying to push him away, it won’t work. I know. I tried. I tried and then I gave up because he makes me want to be selfish for the first time. He makes me want to keep him close. My Eiji.

The first time we met I thought he asked to hold my gun and the way he held it made me think he was younger than I was. I don’t know why he stuck around. I don’t know why he chose to care about me. I wish I had never drug him down with me, but it made those last months worth it, somehow. He was this gift from the divine, the only tether that I could grab onto in the dark I had so willingly thrown myself in to. Even with all my regrets I wouldn’t change a thing.

He’s in Japan now, both where you are in time and where I am. I had the chance to be in Japan now, too. But my regrets caught up to me, I hate to say, and my journey ends here in New York.

If you can Aslan, just do this one thing. 

When Eiji asks you to go with him to his home, don’t make him write you a letter. Don’t let him have regrets so much like your own. If not for your own sake, please just do it for his.

My time is coming to a close now and the paper is running out of room, but I want for you the best I never allowed myself.

If no one else has said it to you yet,

I love you, Aslan. And I promise you’ll find the others who do, too.

~Ash Lynx


End file.
